Yes, I’m still boycotting the All-Star Game. It sure was tempting to cave in, what with Fox’s seven-year broadcast rights re-up and the choice to play the game in front of the only crowd gullible enough to worship Barry Bonds. But once I stuffed my mouth full of aluminum foil and found an old hemostat to clamp on the webbing between my finger and my thumb, I was able to recreate the aggravation of watching Tim McCarver, Joe Buck, Scooter and the Foxies at the Taco Bell Midsummer Poxcam Classic without even turning on the television.

If you’re a hardier soul than me and plan to tune in, by all means tell Jeanne Zelasko I said hello. And don’t say I didn’t warn you…