They’re Going to Whack Him at the All-Star Game

This bit of news is so surreal, I can only think it’s a set-up for a mob hit. Tony Muser, manager of the hapless Kansas City Royals, has been selected by Joe Torre to be one of the American League’s coaches for the All-Star Game.

The Royals currently own a 25-40 record, third-worst in the American League. The two managers whose teams have done worse (Texas’ Johnny Oates, and Tampa Bay’s Larry Rothchild) are already toast. What’s more, Muser is hardly a Felipe Alou type of manager, somebody who draws praise from his peers despite his teams’ shortcomings. His career winning percentage in almost four years of managing the Royals is .428.

He is a frequent target of ESPN columnist Rob Neyer, who follows the Royals more than any sane man ought to. Writing about Muser’s shortcomings back in April, Neyer noted that several good young hitters have developed on his watch, but that Muser’s handling of the pitching was the real problem. “If Tony Muser and I co-managed a Rotisserie team, I would send him out for cold beverages when it came time to bid on pitchers,” wrote Neyer at the time. The results (13th in the league in ERA in ’98, 14th in ’99, 13th in 2000 and a robust 12th as I write this) speak for themselves. But wait, there’s more: “Muser’s a lousy in-game tactician, too, but that only costs the Royals three or four games per season, which is paltry compared to the other stuff,” wrote Neyer (the full columns are available here. Scroll down to April 19.)

The most insight Muser has shown regarding managing a ballclub in his four years was a comment he made early in May about how the Royals weren’t nasty enough to win at a big league level. “Chewing on cookies and drinking milk and praying is not going to get it done… I’d like them to go out and pound tequila rather than have cookies and milk because nobody is going to get us out of this but us.” No better managing advice has been given to a losing ballclub since the Seattle Pilots’ Joe Schultz told his hapless team to “pound that ol’ Budweiser.”

Anyway, despite his poor record, K.C. management stands behind him, which only goes to show that Muser’s incompetence is symptomatic in the organization. But my point is the last person I’d think of when I think of an All-Star caliber manager is Tony Muser. I don’t know what rationale Joe Torre could have used, other than Tony Muser is about to die, and this is his last request. Blindfold and cigarette, please…