Having spent his summer besmirching the character of Derek Jeter, Jim Rice continues to demonstrate why he’s as horseshit with a mic in his hand as he was as a Hall of Fame candidate. After watching leading AL Cy Young candidate Zack Greinke shut out the Red Sox while allowing two hits, Rice declares that Greinke isn’t as dominant as Pedro Martinez circa 2000 (possibly the greatest season ever for a pitcher, at least in the modern day), isn’t impressed with Greinke’s command, and furthermore, that he reminds ol’ GIDP of Roger Moret, who went all of 47-27 with a 108 ERA+ in the Seventies with the Red Sox, Braves and Rangers but is sadly more notable for a slide into mental illness.

Never mind the fact that Greinke leads the league in ERA (2.08) and hit rate 07.6 per nine), is second in strikeouts (229) and K/BB ratio (4.9) and first in shutouts (3) — stats that suggest TOTAL FUCKING DOMINANCE. But I guess all those crazy pitchers look alike to Rice, who is replacing Joe Morgan as Captain Obtuse among the ex-jocks in the booth.

Anyway, Joe Posnanski takes Rice to the woodshed in his inimitable style.

Now … there just isn’t a lot good to say about a post that would compare Zack Greinke to Roger Moret. I mean, to me this is like watching the young Dwight Gooden and saying he reminds you a bit of Bruce Kison. It is true, yes, that both Moret and Greinke are carbon-based life forms who at one time made money by pitching baseballs.

…I do think we’ll have to start a series called “Jim Rice scouting reports.” Our first installment:

Albert Pujols didn’t really impress me last night. Yes he went 2-for-4 and maybe I caught him on a bad night, but he didn’t hit a single home run. He may have the most home runs in the league but he doesn’t strike me as a home run hitter. Don’t get me wrong, he hit two doubles, and those were fine, but he’s not the home run hitter that Willie Mays was or Babe Ruth or Josh Gibson, if you believe what people say.

He reminds me of a right-handed Lloyd Moseby. He has that solid stance and doubles-power swing.

Go read.