Cardboard Cut-Ups

My Michael Jackson post prompted some Facebook-based reminiscence from my friend Tim, recalling the junior high school Saturdays in which we’d head down to Crossroads Mall in Salt Lake City to spend our allowances on records. I do remember one time we went off the beaten path to the distinctly Mormon-flavored Sam Weller’s Zion Bookstore where during a previous drag of a visit with my mother, I had discovered a book about baseball cards. With that in mind, I guess that particular week I’d refrained from excavating whatever British Invasion landmark album I’d been curious about, because I had no hesitation to shell out $8.95 for The Great American Baseball Card Flipping, Trading and Bubble Gum Book.

Alternately hilarious and poignant, that book quickly became one of my all-time favorites; hell, I’ll put it with The Summer Game and Ball Four on my shortest of short lists of baseball books. Two decades later it would become one of the initial inspirations for this site, albeit one I’ve invoked with decreasing frequency as my own work here and beyond has grown more analytical.

I’m reminded of all of this because of a Los Angeles Times article linked by Cardboard Gods‘ Josh Wilker, a man who adopted the book’s style of incorporating baseball cards and the existential revelations they held into the narrative of his own journey. In it the LAT writer catches up with the authors of TGABC… — that thing just doesn’t want to condense — Brendan Boyd and Fred C. Harris:

Boyd and Harris were twentysomething baseball geeks who worked together at a Boston bookstore. The idea, Boyd remembers today, came when a customer requested a book about baseball cards and he and Harris realized that there was none. After the store manager, Richard McDonough, left to become an editor at Little, Brown, he signed the pair to write their baseball card book

At once irreverent and nostalgic, “Great American” is a hybrid of Roger Kahn’s “The Boys of Summer” and Mad magazine. The first section is devoted to Boyd’s memories of collecting cards in the 1950s and early 1960s, at “corner stores that were never on corners. Variety stores completely lacking in variety. They were generally owned by middle-aged men with psoriasis — paunchy citizens with sallow complexions and sour outlooks, who wore plaid woolen shirts no matter how hot it was and little felt hats that had repeatedly been stepped on.”

…Boyd went on to contribute the text for “Racing Days,” a book featuring Henry Horenstein’s exquisite horse racing photography. He also wrote the novel “Blue Ruin,” about the fixing of the 1919 World Series. He was a pop music and financial columnist. Today, he is working on another novel.

“I’m proud of the baseball card book, but it feels like it was written by a different person,” he says. “A lot of people thought I was interested in baseball cards, but I was really interested in the cards as a way of talking about childhood.”

Harris owned a store in Boston called the Great American Baseball Card Company until, he says, “baseball cards stopped being about fun. The whole money motive got disgusting.” He now works in IT analysis and writes a blog.

The article also has a few choice quotes from Terry Cannon, the executive director of the Baseball Reliquary, even drawing a line from the book to the Pasadena-based Reliquary’s intersection of baseball and art, including their upcoming exhibit, Cardboard Fetish. Good stuff, though a part of me wishes Boyd and Harris had more baseball writing in them than just that one tome.

I guess it’s up to the rest of us now.

Death Scores a Hat Trick

Like everyone else, I was surprised and saddened by the death of Michael Jackson yesterday, capping a surreal day of celebrity demises that also claimed Farrah Fawcett and garage rock legend Sky Saxon.

I’m old enough to remember when Thriller hit the racks and was all the rage; I didn’t have a copy, but my brother did, and that was more than enough for me to get sick of it — except for maybe Eddie Van Halen’s guitar playing on “Beat It” – because for a couple of years, his songs were everywhere. Still, for a kid who didn’t have cable TV, I have to admit that his videos, watched sparingly in their rotation on Friday Night Videos, were something else.

Nonetheless, for some reason the two video clips I thought of with regards to Michael Jackson’s music aren’t those well-worn classics but these rather off-the-beaten-path ones which speak to his broad cultural reach by featuring his music but not his image (Cliff Corcoran curated an idiosyncratic selection of Jackson vids at Bronx Banter, while Pitchfork has the motherlode). The first is from the Kevin Smith movie Clerks II, a scene in which Becky (Rosario Dawson) teaches Dante (Brian O’Halloran) to dance to the Jackson 5 classic “ABC.” Joyful, absurd, and poignant all at once:

The second one is just surreal — a group of some 1,500 Filipino prisoners at the Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center learning an ensemble dance routine to “Thriller.” You can read about the dance program here, but for now, just watch:

Meanwhile, here’s a clip of Saxon’s band, the Seeds, in a 1967 clip on the Mothers-In-Law show, lip-synching their hit “Pushin’ Too Hard,” one of many garage rock staples immortalized on the Nuggets compilation. Saxon’s the guy with the cape:

As for Fawcett, being the prettiest of Charlie’s Angels, married to The Six Million Dollar Man made her about as famous as Reggie Jackson in my eight-year-old mind. Here she is in the opening credits to the pilot episode of her first star vehicle:

Get Me Rewrite

It was a weird week for the Prospectus Hit List in that I worked ahead considerably so that I could enjoy a night out with my wife for her birthday. Then of course I found that three players whose slumps I’d highlighted — the Tigers’ Magglio Ordonez, the Rangers’ Chris Davis, and the Reds’ Willy Taveras — all had big nights while I was out. Get me rewrite, and more coffee, damn it.

[#8 Tigers] Cancel Maggs Subscription? The Tigers bench Magglio Ordonez for four games, a move which has agent Scott Boras up in arms. The 35-year-old Ordonez is only 204 plate appearances away from vesting an $18 million option for 2010, but he’s hitting just .274/.348/.354 after connecting for his first homer since April 27; his GB/FB ratio has nearly doubled, while his line drive rate has dropped 40 percent.

[#12 Rangers] Swish Davis and Company: A 2-7 tumble, part of an 9-12 June swoon, knocks the Rangers out of the sole possession of first place that they’d enjoyed since May 5. They’re hitting just .221/.282/.368 this month, with Hank Blalock (.182/.280/.3218), Nelson Cruz (.183/.256/.394) and Chris Davis among the bigger bats stinking up the joint, though a four-hit performance snaps him out of a .200/.250/.333 showing. Davis has whiffed 22 times in his last 49 at-bats, and 103 times in 230 at-bats overall (against just 15 walks). He’s crossed the halfway point to breaking the single-season strikeout rate—by mid-September.

[#22 Reds] Can’t Stop the Bleeding: The Reds slide below .500 and into fourth place in the NL Central thanks to Dusty Baker’s stubborn insistence upon keeping Willy Taveras not only in the lineup but also in the leadoff spot. Taveras is just 4-for-54 in June without a walk or an extra-base hit, and as Geoff Young points out, his slump actually goes back to May 15; he’s now at .104/.128/.113 in 111 PA since then. In an unrelated story, the Reds are averaging just 3.8 runs per game since May 15, the league’s third-lowest rate. Late note: In the exception that proves the rule, Taveras goes 3-for-5 with a double.

By the third one, to hell with it, tack on the postscript.

Missing the Point on Manny?

Something that keeps coming up in the mainstream reporting surrounding Manny Ramirez’s return, and something I’ve been asked about in radio spots — it came up in today’s Toledo hit — and in the BP piece‘s comment thread, is the idea that his rehab stint is a) unique to his case and b) a violation of the spirit of the suspension which shows what a farce the whole system is. The Plaschkes, Ringolsbys and Justices are having kittens as they work overtime to manufacture outrage over this, and I’m sure there are plenty of talk radio hosts around the country stoking the fires.

As to the first of those two statements, in fact every player who’s been suspended for 50 games under baseball’s drug policy has had the same right to such rehab stint, including Ramirez’s Dodger teammate Guillermo Mota, who did so with the Mets’ Triple-A affiliate back in 200, and the Phillies’ J.C. Romero, who did so in the Phillies’ chain last month.

As to the second statement, people seem to forget that the policy is the product of collective bargaining. MLB and the owners can’t just unilaterally impose their will to punish the players — that’s why there’s a union, for crying out loud, and that’s what the 1994 strike was all about, the prevention of the owners from unilaterally imposing working conditions.

There’s nothing magical about the number 50 in a 50-game suspension other than the fact that it’s a round number. It seems apparent that the Players Association would only accept such a length of time for a first-violation suspension if a minor league rehab stint were exempted from that count. Had they not agreed to such a stint, it’s quite possible the players wouldn’t have accepted a suspension longer than, say, 40 games, and Ramirez would be coming back cold, or forced to spend a week at the team’s extended spring training complex or something. The overall timeline for his return to the majors might not have changed at all.

Mind Like a Steel Trap

A few weeks back, I was in Minneapolis for the wedding of my wife’s cousin, and at some point during the festivities, the wedding of the bride’s father came up in conversation. It took place on June 25, 1977, which also happens to be my wife’s birthday (the birthday girl was the flower girl for the wedding). My father-in-law told me a story about taking his two sons to see the White Sox play the Twins at Metropolitan Stadium the day before the wedding.

He said he remembered the Sox leadoff hitter Ralph Garr getting a single but being thrown out at second base by Twins left fielder (and future multimillion dollar Brewer bust) Larry Hisle, who had apparently been forewarned that the speedy Garr liked to stretch singles into doubles. He also remembered Oscar Gamble crushing a long home run for the White Sox, as did both of my brothers-in-law when the game came up for conversation elsewhere during the weekend.

Of course, I couldn’t resist going back to find the box score for that game, and lo and behold, those details were just as they’d remembered. Garr was indeed thrown out by Hisle — that actually happened on the game’s first at-bat. Gamble homered off Twins starter Paul Thormodsgard in the sixth, the second homer of a back-to-back tandem following Lamar Johnson. In fact, the ball must have been jumping off the bat that day, because there were actually six homers hit, three by the White Sox (Jim Essian being the other), and three by the Twins (Hisle, Lyman Bostock and Craig Kusick).

As it turns out there would have been a seventh home run. According to Baseball Toaster’s Bob Timmermann, who randomly exhumed the box score and wrote about the game a few years back, Garr came up in the third inning with two men on:

Third baseman Eric Soderholm led off with a single and catcher Jim Essian reached on an error by shortstop Roy Smalley. Garr then hit a deep fly to right that Ford made a leap for against the wire fence in Bloomington. Ford crashed to the ground and first base umpire Nestor Chylak ran out to make the call and seemed to take a while. While this was happening, Soderholm and Essian went back to their bases, thinking that Ford had caught the ball. But Ford hadn’t, the ball had gone over the fence. However, as Essian went back to first, Garr passed him on the bases. So Garr was credited with a single, but was then called out for passing Essian. Soderholm and Essian did score to cut the lead to 5-2.

As it turns out, the Sox needed Garr’s extra run, as they wound up falling to the Twins, 7-6.

Anyway, given how often memory proves faulty when it comes to recalling old games, I was pretty impressed that the details which were relayed to me did match the picture this time. Fun stuff.

Home Sweet Hell

Today’s Prospectus/Insider twofer covers the Phillies’ odd home-road split:

On Sunday, the Phillies fell to the Orioles for their second consecutive sweep and third straight series loss at the hands of an American League team. Though they remained atop the NL East, the defending world champions finished their latest homestand with a 1-8 record, their worst since 2004. Indeed, Citizens Bank Ballpark hasn’t lavished much brotherly love on the Phillies this year, and not because of their notoriously leather-lunged fans. The Phillies have gone just 13-22 at home, with a .371 winning percentage that ranks 29th in the majors, surpassing only the Nationals. On the other hand, their 23-9 road record, good for a .719 winning percentage, is the majors’ best. What in the name of the Phillie Phanatic is going on?

…Looking more closely at the team’s home/road splits and their overall numbers, it’s worth remembering that these aren’t the 2008 Phillies. The flaws of this year’s squad start with the fact that while they’re outscoring all other NL teams with 5.3 runs per game, they’re allowing runs at the second-highest rate (5.0). The pitching staff has been in disarray all season long thanks to injuries, from Cole Hamels’ elbow to Brett Myers’ hip to Brad Lidge’s knee, and, while healthy, neither Joe Blanton nor Jamie Moyer have lived up to last year’s solid performances.

The main problem is that their staff isn’t well suited to its home park. Where last year’s pitchers generated ground balls on 46.4 percent of all batted balls, good for seventh in the league, this year’s model is getting ground balls on only 42.9 percent of batted balls, the league’s lowest rate. With Myers possibly out for the year, they lack a single starter above 46.0 percent; it doesn’t help that his replacement, rookie Antonio Bastardo, is at 30.0 percent. Blanton, in his first full year with the team, is at 41.1 percent. Chan Ho Park, whose career-best 52.6 percent last year offered hope — both that he could survive outside Dodger Stadium and that the Phillies could add a ground-baller — regressed significantly and was blitzed out of the rotation. Park was replaced by J.A. Happ, who at 38.2 percent is another extreme fly-baller.

Particularly at Citizens Bank Park, those fly balls means more home runs. While its 1002 Park Factor in Clay Davenport’s translations means that it’s basically neutral as far as scoring is concerned, CBP is very home run-friendly. The park ranked in the top five in home runs in four of the past five seasons, including the major league lead in 2007. It dipped to seventh last year because the Phillies’ staff allowed only 0.96 homers per nine at home, 0.37 lower than in any year since the park’s 2004 introduction. They’re yielding an astronomical 1.65 HR/9 at home this year, as 19.2 percent of all fly balls off of opponents’ bats have left the CBP field of play, a rate 50 percent higher than the major league average.

Sample size obviously has a lot to do with the incongruity of the Phillies’ record; their 348-point home field disadvantage (the difference between their home and road winning percentages) is more than double the largest full-season split, and eight of the top 20 teams that show up in a raw ranking from the post-1960 expansion era hail from strike-affected seasons (1972, 1981, 1994, 1995). Here are the full-season leaders:

Tm    Year  Hm W-L  WPCT   Rd W-L  WPCT     HFA
KCR 1998 29-51 .363 43-38 .531 -.168
BOS 1980 36-45 .444 47-32 .595 -.151
CIN 2001 27-54 .333 39-42 .481 -.148
NYY 1965 40-43 .482 49-32 .605 -.123
OAK 1971 46-35 .568 55-25 .688 -.120
LAD 1970 39-42 .481 48-32 .600 -.119
MIL 1999 32-48 .400 42-39 .519 -.119
SDP 2001 35-46 .432 44-37 .543 -.111
BOS 2002 42-39 .519 51-30 .630 -.111
NYM 1968 32-49 .395 41-40 .506 -.111
STL 1970 34-47 .420 42-39 .519 -.099
ATL 2001 40-41 .494 48-33 .593 -.099
MIL 1980 40-42 .488 46-34 .575 -.087
MIN 1973 37-44 .457 44-37 .543 -.086
CAL 1984 37-44 .457 44-37 .543 -.086
NYM 1979 28-53 .346 35-46 .432 -.086
CLE 2005 43-38 .531 50-31 .617 -.086
CIN 1999 45-37 .549 51-30 .630 -.081
CHW 1979 33-46 .418 40-41 .494 -.076

Those 2001 Braves are thge only team to make the playoffs with a sub-.500 record over the course of the full season. The list only goes to 19 teams there because the next six are tied with a 74-point deficit. The 2009 Diamondbacks, who are 14-23 at home and 15-18 on the road for a 165-point deficit, also have a shot at breaking the Royals’ record; the current Marlins, who are 17-20 at home and 18-16 on the road, have a 143-point deficit that might work its way into the class photo as well.

Missing Manny?

In today’s Prosepctus Hit and Run, I examine how the Dodgers have stayed afloat since during Manny Ramirez’s suspension, an analysis that took a close look at Juan Pierre:

…Ramirez is eligible to return to the Dodgers’ lineup on July 3, and barring a major collapse over their next nine games, which come against three .500ish teams, his team will have weathered his loss just fine. They were 21-8 when the news of his suspension broke, with a +55 run differential, both major league bests. Since then they’ve gone 25-16 with a +30 run differential, both National League bests, and they’ve held the Hit List’s top spot since the first regular season rankings. At the time, they had a 6½-game lead over their closest pursuers, the Giants, an 8½ game lead over their expected rivals, the Diamondbacks, and an 83.3 percent shot at the playoffs according to our plain-vanilla playoff odds. Now they lead the Giants by 8½ games, with the Diamondbacks DOA at 17 games back, and their overall odds at 97.8 percent. That’s about as pretty as a team can sit.

Pierre hasn’t homered all year, but his overall slugging percentage is 50 points higher than [James] Loney, 98 points higher than [Rafael] Furcal, and 133 points higher than [Russell] Martin. Indeed, the supreme irony of this entire fiasco is that the ridiculously expensive slap-hitting speedster who had been relegated to fourth outfielder status has gone bonkers upon being restored to the lineup. Pierre collected multiple hits in 14 of the first 20 games after the suspension, and has now done so in 19 of 41, including a three-hit effort in the most recent ESPN Sunday Night Game of the Week against the Angels. Thanks to an unsustainable .368 batting average on balls in play, he’s third in the batting race at .337, and his .392 OBP and .433 SLG would both be career highs.

Furthermore, his .198 MLVr trails only Ramirez (.641), [Casey] Blake (.249) and [Matt] Kemp (.211) among Dodger regulars, which raises the question of what happens once Ramirez returns. Last week, manager Joe Torre told reporters he’d be headed back to the bench, but given Andre Ethier’s slump in Ramirez’s absence (.233/.296/.404) and struggles against lefties (.195/.279 /.377), it’s not hard to envision a potential Ramirez-Pierre-Kemp alignment working its way into Torre’s rotation; Pierre is hitting .411/.476/.518 in 65 PA against lefties, the kind of small-sample performance Torre might find impossible to resist.

The larger question is whether Pierre’s play has boosted his value enough to make him attractive to other teams, and the answer is “probably not.” He’s about halfway through his absurd five-year deal, owed $10 million this year, $10 million next year, and $8.5 million in 2011. It’s unlikely any team is willing to assume the approximately $22 million he’ll still have coming after the trading deadline; in the current economic climate, even half that might be a stretch, and with the Dodgers already eating $21 million worth of Andruw Jones pie between here and 2014, it’s tough to envision them having an appetite for much more — unless Steve Phillips, who from the ESPN booth has lobbied for the Dodgers to take care of Pierre so often you’d think he was his agent, suddenly finds himself in a GM chair. Suffice it to say that there’s no threat of that these days.

…Back to Ramirez, it will be interesting to see how the fan base and the mainstream media, both local and national, handle his return. Prior to his suspension, he had mostly enjoyed a nonstop lovefest even given this winter’s contentious negotiations. So long as he can still produce — even if not at the level he had done since last August — the majority of Dodger fans will likely warm to him, rationalizing that he’s paid his debt to society. His transgressions will almost certainly generate some boos in opposing ballparks, but that’s hardly new given his tenure playing the villain in Boston; on the other hand, his sixth-place showing in the All-Star balloting suggests he’s also got his supporters outside the city of angels. But expect that the moment the Dodgers finally lose three games in a row — amazingly, they’ve yet to do so — you’ll see a spate of articles from the usual hacks on Manny’s tired act and the way his return has disrupted the team chemistry, hanging poor Juan Pierre out to dry at a time his career was undergoing a renaissance. That train is never late.

Of course, as I note in the article, the team’s pitching has plenty to do with their surviving without Manny; they’re allowing fewer runs per game than any NL team, they lead in BP’s starter- and reliever-based win expectancy metrics, and they’re getting by with Jeff Weaver and Eric Milton having made eight starts. That those two as well as free agents Randy Wolf and Casey Blake and nobodies like Ramon Troncoso and Ronald Belisario have been contributors to the team’s success even as the Loneys and Martins have disappointed reflect favorably on Colletti and his staff, for all of their various missteps. Even a blind chicken finds a few kernels of corn now and again.

What’s Eating A-Rod?

For the Baseball Prospectus/ESPN Insider soup du jour, I join forces with Will Carroll to examine Alex Rodriguez’s struggles, which saw him benched for Friday and Saturday’s games amid an 8-for-55 June swoon that dragged his overall line down to .212/.370/.462. Here’s a taste:

The schadenfreudians might believe that Rodriguez is receiving a cosmic comeuppance for his sins, but the slugger’s statistical line suggests his slump is nothing extraordinary, except perhaps in the context of his extraordinary career. His .250 isolated power (slugging percentage minus batting average) is 22 points below his career mark, but about the same distance above two of his five full seasons in pinstripes. It surpasses all but 24 batting title qualifiers, not that A-Rod himself has enough plate appearances to qualify. He’s homered in 5.4 percent of his PA, which would rank ninth among qualifiers, though it would be the fifth-lowest of his career.

The 33-year-old superstar’s real problem is that the hits aren’t falling in. Prior to his benching, Rodriguez’s batting average on balls in play was .192, 128 points below his career mark and 10 points below the lowest qualifier, Jay Bruce. Upon closer inspection, he’s hit line drives — which result in hits far more frequently than any other type — on just 14.8 percent of his balls in play, well below last year’s 18.1 percent. Meanwhile, his groundball rate has risen significantly. Using BP Idol contestant Brian Cartwright’s BABIP estimator (15 * FB% + .24 * GB% + .73 * LD%) with the Baseball Info Solutions-based data available at Fangraphs around which he designed that formula (instead of our own MLB Advanced Media-based data, which differs somewhat), we can see how askew his results are:

Year    LD%    GB%    FB%  eBABIP  BABIP    dif
2002 19.0 38.1 42.9 .294 .292 -.002
2003 22.8 38.8 38.4 .317 .309 -.008
2004 15.5 45.2 39.3 .281 .313 .032
2005 15.6 44.8 39.7 .281 .349 .068
2006 18.1 42.3 39.6 .293 .329 .036
2007 16.9 41.1 41.9 .285 .315 .030
2008 18.1 42.0 39.9 .293 .332 .039
2009 14.8 46.3 38.9 .278 .192 -.086
Total 17.9 41.8 40.2 .291 .315 .024

Because BABIP is so unstable, the formula isn’t terribly accurate given one season’s worth of data; Cartwright notes that the annual root mean square error for hitters is 36 points. Even so, while A-Rod may be making solid contact less frequently, his batted ball distribution isn’t so out of whack that it should produce a sub-.200 BABIP. Decreased foot speed from aging or injury doesn’t explain the dip, either; he’s produced infield hits on about eight percent of groundballs since 2002, but just four percent this year — a shortfall of two hits.

Indeed, his numbers could simply be the product of bad luck in a small sample size. Such low BABIPs over the course of exactly 165 PA aren’t uncommon, with 86 hitters—many of them accomplished sluggers—enduring such stretches since Opening Day 2007, including eight this year…

Meanwhile, Will takes the medhead approach to discuss how little we know about the wave of hip procedures that have been done on hitters lately (Chase Utley, Mike Lowell, Alex Gordon, Carlos Delgado) because the latter two aren’t even back in action yet. Elsewhere at BP, Will cited Pete Abraham’s piece from last week about the Yankees’ failure to follow the plan for A-Rod. Here’s Pete:

According to Rodriguez, the plan put in place by Philippon and Lindsay was for him to take 5-8 games off during his first 45 games back with the team. Not 45 days, 45 games.

But over the first 38 games he was back, A-Rod sat out zero games. He started every one of them, 35 of them at third base. Day games after night games, rain-delayed games, every single game.

A-Rod said he fought to stay in games, which is what he supposed to do. Knowing him, I’m sure that’s exactly what he did. But why didn’t the Yankees stick with the plan their doctors drew up? All of a sudden a third baseman with a high school education knew better than the two best doctors in their respective fields? Of course Alex said he wanted to play. What else would he say?

Joe Girardi admitted yesterday that he should have given Alex more days off than he did. It appears that Brian Cashman finally forced the issue yesterday. But he should have made that call a week ago. A-Rod has been struggling for three weeks now. His June slugging percentage is .291. Teams have been intentionally walking other players to get to him.

It simply amazes me how the team has handled their priciest asset, and it speaks ill of Brian Cashman that he hasn’t secured a better backup to cover for Rodriguez on his much-needed off days. Meanwhile, Angel Fucking Berroa languishes on the roster hitting .136/.174/.182. That’s a one-fucking-thirty-six average with a three-fucking-fifty-six OPS in case you can’t see the numbers because they’re so small. Berroa hasn’t been a useful major leaguer since 2003. That’s gross general managerial malpractice, right there. As is having Brett Tomko on the roster, but that’s a story for another day.

The First Baseman Who Put the Cheese in Machismo

As something considerably less than the world’s biggest Keith Hernandez fan, I certainly didn’t expect to find myself watching and enjoying Rob Perri’s just-under-20-minute short film, “I’m Keith Hernandez” — at least until I read the synopsis at the website:

Part baseball documentary, part anti drug film, part socio-political satire, I’M KEITH HERNANDEZ utilizes a version of Hernandez life as a vehicle to discuss how male identity is shaped by TV/film, sports, advertising, and pornography.

By examining the aforementioned types of media in conjunction with Lacan’s “Mirror Theory”, a clearer picture of masculinity emerges. As part of this discourse, the physical attribute of the mustache is explored as a symbol of male virility. Other topics include the Iran/Contra Affair and the resulting “Crack Explosion”, celebrity obsessed culture, and the subtleties of children’s television programming.

Narrated in an innuendo-laden tone reminiscent of VH1’s Behind the Music exposés and occasionally making the type of narrative and editing leaps I associate with Craig Baldwin’s wacko pseudo-documentary Tribulation 99: Alien Anomalies Under America, the film simultaneously celebrates and eviscerates the cheesy mustache man, the image he projects, and the dark period where narcotics made their way into the national pastime. Here’s the narration from one of my favorite parts:

Hernandez would also offer guidance to fellow New York first baseman Don Mattingly by telling him about the secret power of the mustache.

[cue Magnum P.I. opening credits]

Keith explained to Mattingly that with the recent success of Magnum P.I., it would be foolish not to capitalize on the possibility of being attractive by association. And after taking Hernandez’s advice, Mattingly certainly bagged more babes, but he also bagged more bases. In 1984 he won the American League batting crown…

Perri’s film audaciously stitches together a tapestry full of generous “Fair Use” helpings of Seinfeld footage, baseball highlights, Clyde Frazier cameos, hair metal soundtracks, baseball cards, “Just Say No” public service announcements, even a brief segment featuring a Hernandez look-alike porn star. No cow is too sacred to be sacrificed (“…shared the co-MVP honors with veteran Willie Stargell, who was a degenerate pill popper…”). Fantastic, funny stuff about the first baseman who put the cheese in machismo. Don’t miss it.

Oh, You Want a Reynolds Rant?

So Joe Posnanski is pulling his hair out over a 522-word blog entry from Harold Reynolds — about OPS and how slow runners clog the basepaths — that at least one reader has termed “Worst. Blog Post. Ever.”?

Been there, done that, right down to the part about it taking two hits to score Jason Giambi. And that was five years ago, so I guess ol’ Harold is taking a reaaaal long time to warm up to those stats. Easily on the short list among my all-time favorite FI posts.